HP Tech Support

Me: My server is broken, here are the symptoms: X, Y and Z.
HP Guy One: Any lights on the mother board?
Me: Just solid green ones
HP Guy One: Take out the 2nd processor - let's simplfy the problem set
Me: Done. Hey look X, Y and Z don't happen! You're a genius
HP Guy One: I've dispatched a tech with a new processor he'll show up in the a.m.

Me: Great (hang up) now to reboot the server one last time ...

Me: My server is broken here are the symptoms: X, Y and Z. You'll note you've dispatched a tech to fix the processor but the processor can't be the problem - it's on the bench. And look - we've had four servers with this same model number, same symptoms and it's been the motherboard.
HP Guy Two: How old is your BIOS?
Me: Unhhhhhh hey look it's two years old but ...
HP Guy Two: That's it. Update your BIOS. That will fix your problem. Call us back if it doesn't
Me: But, but ..
HP Guy Two: Bye now!

Me: Just for the fun of it I apply the BIOS. Why not? It's after working hours (or nearly so) - the folks who use this application aren't using it much at this point in the day. I've given up on my evening.

Me: My server is broken here are the symptoms: X, Y and Z. You'll note you've dispatched a tech to fix the processor but the processor can't be the problem - it's on the bench. And look - we've had four servers with this same model number, same symptoms and it's been the motherboard. Please contact the guy coming out here or have him call me so he doesn't waste a trip ... and my time ... and our user's time ... hauling the wrong part from Chicago.

HP Guy Three: Can do .. okay .. he's been notified to call you.
Me: Wow.

Later;
I'm on hold with Ariba about their authentication service which was sitting on the server that needs a new motherboard. No authentication, no user access. This service is poorly understood and supported at the best of times. Sounds like I got an intern on her first day in the shop. This is going to be a long night.