Good Heavens, Miss Sakamoto - you're beautiful!

From the Home Office at explosionland: Signs that the United States has given up on science

• Space elevator loses research funding in favor of the much less complicated space staircase.
• The particle accelerator at Brookhaven National Lab is being converted to a totally bitchin’ roller derby rink.
• Prayer-based WiFi.
• FDA approves cancer-curing mittens.
• 78% of Americans amazed to learn that there is no Nobel Prize for Wheelies.
• Tostitos Restaruant Style with a Hint of Lime presents: NASA.
• President Bush repeatedly mispronounces “scientists” as “scientits.” Nobody corrects him.
• Cancer-curing mittens recalled after people start eating them.