Wednesday, April 16, 2008

There will always be an England

But .. more and more it may resemble an outake of Monty Python.

ON THE HIGH SEAS ABOARD HMS PINAFORE
Lookout: Captain! Look!
THE CAPTAIN HURRIES TO THE BRIDGE. THERE IS A SCRUFFY LOOKING VESSEL ON THE HORIZON.
Captain: Ahoy the vessel!
Pirate: 'Allo. Whoo is eet?
Captain: I am Captain Upstanding-Forthwright, Royal Navy. Whose vessel is this?
Pirate: This is the vessel of the Dread Pirate Smeeth.
Captain: Tell your captain to stand by to be boarded.
Pirate: I don't think he'll be very keen - you see we don' need to be boarded today.
Lookout: He says they don't want to be boarded.
THEY ARE STUNNED
Captain: Are ... are you sure?
Pirate: Oh yes, we're doing fine, thanks. Nice day isn't it?
Captain: Well, we'd really like to come aboard. Pretty please.
Pirate: Of course not. You are English pigs.
Captain: What are you then?
Pirate: We're pirates. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly sailor fop.
Captain: What are you doing on the high seas, with machine guns and cannon?
Pirate: Mind your own business.
Captain: If you will not allow us to board we shall take your vessel by force.
Pirate: You don't frighten us English pig-dog. Go and bite your bottom son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you so-called sailor Captain, you and all your silly English k.....niggets
Captain: Prepare the boarding party, guns, one round from the forward five-inch mount, prepare to fire ..
XO: Ur, Captain. The latest directive from Foreign Office.
Captain: ... on my comman .. oh. Yes. Human rights.
Pirate: HE PUTS HIS HAND TO HIS EARS AND BLOWS A RASPBERRY.

With apologies to the Pythons.

Cross Posted to The Daily Brief.

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