Monday, May 01, 2006

A Few Good Expenses

Via Paul Kedrosky
[Instructions: Make sure you read it in character. (Jack Nicholson as VP Sales and Tom Cruise as VP Finance in "A Few Good Men").]

Sales Guy: "You want answers?"

Finance Guy: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Sales Guy: "You want answers?!"

Finance Guy: "I want the truth!"

Sales Guy: "You can't handle the truth!!!" (continuing): "Son, we live in a world that requires revenue. And that revenue must be brought in by people with elite skills. Who's going to find it? You? You, Mr. Finance? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You scoff at sales divisions and you curse our lucrative incentives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that while the cost of business results are excessive, it brings in revenue. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drives REVENUE! You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff meetings ... you want me on that call. You NEED me on that call!

We use words like Volume Rebates, Co-op , discounts, buy backs, cost adjustments, purchase agreements. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent negotiating something. You use them as a punch line! I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a phone and make some sales calls. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Finance Guy: "Did you expense the lap dances?"

Sales Guy: "I did the job I was hired to do."

Finance Guy: "Did you expense the lap dances?"

Sales Guy: "You're goddamn right I did!"

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