Friday, March 14, 2008

Lova Canal revisited

Everything I knew about Love Canal is wrong.

Granted that isn't much because I never really thought about it. I read the news, I figure I'm an informed citizen.


Here is 'Love Canal' as I knew it, in condensed form.

Unscrupulous Businessman to henchmen: Look! A handy canal where we can dump our chemicals! Ha ha - it's good to be a capitalist with no morals!

Henchmen: You said it, boss! Let 'er rip, boys!

Chemical dumping proceeds merrily. The dumping in question is not illegal exactly but it sure 'nuff is immoral and not done with full respect for quality control and other measures that one might expect.

Sometime later the land in question passes in an unspecified way from the business to the good hearted apple-cheeked citizens who build schools, buy houses and generally live the American Dream.

Citizens: Eek - there is goo in our front yard! And in the playgrounds! Aiiii!

Unscrupulous Businessman: (Whistles a merry tune while counting his bundle of money - think Scrooge McDuck in his money vault.)

Local Government: Well .. I'll be a monkey's uncle! We had no idea.

National Government: We'll save you ma'am, from the folly of short-sighted businessmen in the pursuit of the almighty dollar! Take THAT you fiend (POW) and that (KA-BLAM)!

Unscrupulous Businessman: Oh dear, if only I'd been more socially conscious and aware of the environment!

Citizens: Thanks God for the government, the righter of wrongs and the leveler of playing fields!


What really happened is more like this

Businessman to staff: Okay, we've got a canal for waste disposal, it's funded and maintained, meets EPA standards. It's not going to leak is it?

Staff: No way, Jose - you know how much we'd have to pay in fines? There is five feet of clay on top - we're set.

Businessman: Great, 'cause it's my head on the block if it does .. who's that?

Local Government: Boy - that sure is a pretty parcel of land you got there. A school would look really good on it, maybe some houses with nice suburban streets ...

Businessman: It's a waste dump! It's chock full of goo and poisons.

Local Government: ... and a playground for the tots, not to mention tax revenue for the city ...

Businessman: Here, let me dig a few holes and show you. (grabs a shovel, digs - green stuff floats to the top).

Local Government: Golly. That sure is smelly. We'll tamp it down with Play-Doh - it'll be fine.

Businessman: Well, I'm not going to sell it to you.

Local Government: Ho ho! I'll use eminent domain! You _must_ sell it.

Lawyer: Boss if they just _take_ it we're in a world of doo-doo. Since it's gone one way or another if we sell it and have them sign some paper saying that they know it's a festering toxic dump ..

Businessman: (visions of lawsuits and jail dancing in his head) Will that work?

Lawyer: It should - rule of law, remember? Got a better idea?

Local Government assumes title of the land, builds houses, school. Years pass.

Citizens: Eek - there is goo in our front yard! And in the playgrounds! Aiiii!

Local Government: Well .. I'll be a monkey's uncle! We had no idea.

National Government: We'll save you ma'am, from the folly of short-sighted businesemen in the pursuit of the almighty dollar! Take THAT you fiend (POW) and that (KA-BLAM)!

Businessman: What the heck is this? You're fining us millions of dollars after we _told_ those monkeys from the city it was a bad idea?

National Government: (Proudly poses as the righter of wrongs) And let that be a lesson, fiend!

Citizens: Thanks God for the government, the righter of wrongs and the leveler of playing fields!

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