Friday, June 27, 2008

Whip it good

District of Columbia v. Heller (pdf) is providing moments of hilarity: Dumbass journalist on why rifles are good and handguns bad.

A handgun can be concealed easily, and it can be tossed down a sewer drain without attracting much notice. The barrel can be used to break a snitch's jaw. (There's no such thing as "rifle whipping.")

A butt stroke is part of bayonet drill.

1. You run up to the bad guy while screaming your ass off (presumably so the bad guy will think you are nuts) and carrying your rifle with, “fixed bayonet,” in front of you at a forty-five degree angle (the “on guard” position).

2. When you reach the bad guy, you swing your right foot towards him while simultaneously thrusting the butt of the rifle upward into the bottom of his chin (the goal being to knock his head off).

3. With the rifle now shoulder high (and if the bad guy is still standing), you cross your left leg in front of your right leg while thrusting the butt of the rifle horizontally and forward aiming at the bad guy’s face (this should definitely knock the bad guy down).

4. You now bring your right forward while slashing the bad guy with the bayonet aiming to cut a line from the right side of his throat to his left groin (by now, the bad guy had better be on his back).

5. You now bring your left leg forward while simultaneously thrusting the bayonet into the bad guy’s chest.

It's a heckuva cardio workout. I wonder if the folks at my gym would consider a class on Saturday involving bayonet dummies and M16s . . .

Dumbass then publishes a correction revealing he's tone deaf with respect to his own sense of humor.

Update, 4 p.m. EDT: At the request of several readers, I should clarify that while there's no such term as "rifle-whipping," it's fairly common to use rifle butts as a club. The term of art is the misleadingly pornographic phrase "butt stroking," the butt in this instance referring to the flat end of a rifle. It would be far preferable to call this activity "rifle-whipping," but that term has virtually no currency.

Because 'whip' has absolutely no sexual overtones whatsoever. Nope, and you're a perv if you think so.

Calling it 'art' is lame: smashing the butt end of a seven pound rifle into a fellow's jaw and face is a violent act; the goal is to kill the guy. Done right he's on the ground with a fucking knife in his gut. Done slightly wrong he's got the knife stuck in his ribs. Then the attacker has to wiggle it around to get it out, which makes things really gross. By this time the guy on the ground is also doing a lot of screaming and bleeding and so forth, which would add a really disturbing tone to the proceedings.

My instructor said it would be easier at that point to discharge a round in his chest. Which would, yes, free the rifle. It would also make an incredible mess.

Yes, we all wondered why, if we had a round in the chamber, we were screwing around with a bayonet. I don't recall that he had a good answer for that.

Where were we? Oh yes - Energy Dome!

Also - Whip It!

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